Dear world
I am deliberately starting this blog off with the self-pitying disclaimer that I have always struggled with engaging in communities. That is not the proper strategy to solidify influence and drum up engagement. It is nonetheless the most honest and true way to start my parasocial relationship with my readers.
Choosing to do so is perhaps a symptom of a prominent character trait of mine: spite. Spite and frustration at how difficult things have to be, apparently.
A particular frustration might be condensed as follows: Becoming a successful writer clearly depends on more things that don't relate to writing than ones that do.
My cyberpunk manuscript, The God Anima, has just been sent through the tubes into the aether. Soon I will compulsively be looking at the sales counters, like one might glare at an internet router that refuses to serve you your daily dopamine kick. If the counter goes up, I make it and will be allowed to actually do something I like for a living. And if not, everything stays the same, and life keeps kicking at me. If perhaps not as black and white as that.
As of now, I must crusade in a race against Candy Crush, Disney remakes, and YouTube shorts, in order to make myself heard and get the snowball rolling into what will hopefully be an avalanche of support.
Does my placement in this race depend on the quality of the story I have penned? Hopefully some, at least. But to my immense dissatisfaction, that is outweighed by the dependence on my affinity for promotion (and lack of the same). I must make engaging posts on social media. I must master the art of the elevator pitch, wilfully neutering the depths of my projects in favour of veneer.
It depends on something so tiny as whether I have chosen the correct title and layout for this blog, and tonight I will toss restlessly, wondering if I should I have poured funds into a properly professional domain name.
For some people these things are easy (though I am glad to hear that authors are rarely found among these people). These are the people that employers invite to job interviews, with listings that seek open-minded, smiling, subservient people, who thrive in the endeavor of giving the customer an unforgettable experience in our mayonnaise store.
I always wondered: where are the job listings for people like me? People who thrive sitting in a dark corner, glaring at all and everything that dare to try for a bite of their precious time on this soul-sucking Earth. Do we not deserve love? Do we not deserve success?
Well no, you'd rightfully say. If you want to be part of things, the first step is... well, to get off your ass and be a part of things.
I have tried--and shall certainly keep trying--my best. The issue being that even at my best, I can't seem to stretch through the haze and reach people.
The God Anima (among other manuscripts of mine) has not yet been read by many people, not for lack of trying. A part of me doubts that even the literary agents that I contacted got through the story sample I sent them. People awfully close to me have left me hanging.
"Check out this cool thing I made!" I would say. "It's a book! Remember those? Mine has magic in a futuristic setting like Star Wars, and it has cat girls like in anime, and it has meddling gods like in Brandon Sanderson's work, and it has character arcs like other stories. I promise, it's high-paced, no mile-long prologue."
"Hm-hmm," another might say.
"It would mean a lot to me if you read it! I hear things like these turn out a lot better with feedback!"
"Hm-hmm. Oh sure. I'll take a look at it later."
At which point, the dopamine spiral strikes, and my manuscript is swept up in the merciless torrent of life, not quite insistent enough to surface. (Shoutout to the one exception; one person who loved the story to bits, doing wonders to preserve my confidence in the project)
Why would this time be different? People don't read anymore. They have no disposable income in this economy. The demographic I wrote this book for could well be imaginary! I never conducted market research! What do you take me for? A smiling individual with the capacity to promote?
Well, this time, I will be trying harder than ever. When before I told myself I was trying my best, it was a mere coping strategy. Now I'll be doing it for real: I'll put in the hours, I'll put myself out there, I'll be charismatic and magnetic. Conventions, book reviewers, sci-fi forums, you name it. (He said in a ritalin fueled haze, eyes bloodshot, with ten other social engagements to attend this summer)
Soon, I will be flooding my socials with the news that my e-book just dropped. If all goes well, someone will take an honest look at the material, buy it, read it, and then tell someone else to read it.
Keep an eye on my Facebook and my Bluesky pages.
In short: I hope I can count on your voluntary attention, in a world designed to wring it from you by force. I promise, the book was made with love. Don't let the sloppy layout of my blog ruin that for you.
Much love
John
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